Its the law. But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. I wish it's that easy. Add your answer to this question! depressed, got back together, money. lets_be_honest Idiots like the guy in the letter, dont. LADIES he could stand her. They way the *LW* is painting the picture here of how she and her bf are treating the unborn child is unfair to the child and is why people are reacting the way they are. Who knew? And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom.. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. But she can also at any time change her mind and he has no recourse. Having the foresight to step out early doesnt make him an asshole. At this point, its an easy thing to resolve this without decades of support and animosity. For all the reasons stated in the comments, women just cannot be forced into motherhood quite like a man can be forced into fatherhood. FireStar Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed My Views On Parenthood. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. That woman, Kaihla Rettinger, gave birth to the model-turned-Midtown South cop's son on Nov. 5, Radar reported three days after McLoughlin, 27, met Lambert, 35, while she was performing on . Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. she's a real bitch. April 9, 2012, 3:49 pm. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable.. Is it 100% fair to men or women? But thats a crime?. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. So, it's up the guy to put the idea out there of getting back together and proving to his ex that it's worth a shot. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. Identical twin men: one is an IVF doctor, one is a carpenter. No. Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. He has to fit the baby into their life, not the other way around. -Wants nothing to do with his own child. As we established earlier, men dont really have the option to walk out on a fetus, because the fetus doesnt need anything from them yet (although certainly dads-to-be provide a lot of support to moms-to-be in most cases). Im PRETTY sure you only included this to make yourself sound like a selfless person. 10. The LW said that he is furious that shes keeping the baby. Everything else aside, most of the guys in this thread are more upset about the sex part than they are about the child out of wedlock part. That is really fucked up. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. Men this means condom. You were on a break, not even completely seperated from the relationship, and he clearly has some space in that undying love for you to have unprotected sex with a stranger. Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. My hand felt like someone smacked a block of ice with a hammer. Susie can do what she wants but he wants nothing to do with it. I mean, he loved the baby mama enough to get erected & to bang her & to just release evrything to make her pregnant, & what the fuck am I thinking?!?!? Because he should have known she could have gotten pregnant! No. He could have also said he wants the baby, and the LW is lying. bittergaymark April 10, 2012, 11:43 am. It could fail. Weeks. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. Oh I definitely agree, a laid back scenario is no more absurd, it really depends on how people take what he is saying. Rarely, does a woman bring a man on the show to announce that hes pregnant and the responds with Id prefer you have an abortion.. . When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! I know exactly what child support means, and you are discussing the post-birth situation, where there actually is a child who actually needs support. iseeshiny Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. They dont see the need to lie about it, Meanwhile, my friends and I who havent gotten HIV all (surprise, surprise!) Forcing him to stay with her isnt going to make anyone happy at all. It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. Okay, Tim. To be fair, the pregnant woman could be an idiot too but the only info we have about her is that she participated in sex with the LWs bf after knowing him a short time, says she was on birth control and is now pregnant and planning to raise the child. Or perhaps youre a world-wise know-it-all 19 year old who heard everything you regurgitate here from your Womens Studies professor bitter after falling for the same sure I love you baby slickster line you mentioned above. So, in other words, RR, it is a noble thing to give your child to strangers in the hope that he or she is treated well (that the adoptive parents wont abuse them, wont get divorced in a messy way, wont let them fend for themselves, and so on), even though youll have no interaction with that child again, but it is base and vile to have the same lack of interaction but to provide financial support which doesnt in any way affect the mothers ability to find a partner that is right for her. Now, I suppose, you could argue that my gay friends are more careful because death is probably a bigger inconvenience that a child you dont want and most likely wont really give a flying fuck about anyway But no, seriously Apparently many straight people are just too dumb to use a condom correctly. But not usually. Doesnt matter if the owner of cocacola sat down with you and discussed the possible risk of opening a bottle and what you would both do if something went wrong. T he mystery of Tom's sudden baby endured until several years ago when I looked him up on Facebook. I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? It takes a man to be a father. Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. Barely nine months after we said our final goodbye, he was the father of a baby boy. LOL. I think both sexes can own that one (although your estimate of what % of children born today are born to single patents is inaccurate). So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? Doesnt matter if it has a sign on it that says dont shake takes arms off if explodes!. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. So, youre wondering what is it about her that he is willing to commit himself and give his all to her. You want some advice? 6napkinburger It is never the unborn childs fault. I understand that there are many times when adoption is the best choice. Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. April 10, 2012, 8:54 pm. You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. If you dont want a baby use birth control. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. April 10, 2012, 7:25 pm. What the LW needs to do is take a deep breath, wait a long time for this situation to resolve, and then decide what she wants to do. Men abandon and fail to pay for children constantly. Is it fair to a kid to be born into a world where his dad abandons him? All I could think about when I read this letter was what an awful situation that child is going to be exposed to, through no fault of his/her own. rainbow April 9, 2012, 9:30 pm. He probably knows shell be a lousy mother. However, its your choice whether or not to get back together with him. Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. -Tried to pressure her into getting an abortion It is my argument that only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created. Its still good advice if the letter his fake, actually, since there certainly are people in this situation. That isnt the case. What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? Oh no! If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. I think the LW comes across as bitter and resentful and would rather blame the other woman, making her out to be the villain, than to admit that she and her ex really might not belong together. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. It is duplicated below. *ETA: also, most of my comments on here are usually light-heardely dumbed down just to lighten the mood a little. Its crazy how much abject hatred there is out there. Babies come from the hospital. When I was young, but old enough to ask, my mom always told me that my biological father just wasnt ready to be a daddy. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? Well, its possible that he didnt know her at all, but then after coitus he began to get to know her and things went downhill from there. You said it better, but I jumped back in before seeing your replies. LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! How fast his new relationship is moving. The misogyny is the implication that this somehow makes it easy for a woman. female hamster van beethoven Men are stupid and do stupid things, but so are women. They should act responsibly. You really have no idea what child support means. Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. if she has a miscarriage because he's back with you, your fault. I know Im stretching here, but Actions have consequences. Category Convertible. ColorsOfTheWind Id drop this guy in a heartbeat. Ummm hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated. Or is she trying to get him to live up to his responsibilities (which he brought on himself when he had unprotected sex and got someone pregnant)? And, like an immature asshole, he decides he doesnt want to own up to his responsibility. Get your hands off my uterus! April 9, 2012, 9:23 am. A pregnancy, especially an unplanned one with no real relationship behind it is not a reason to stay together. You have no opinion in this matter. Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. "Cry, vent and . Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? I dont see anything wrong with his points. Mmmhmm, I thought so. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. They are all pointing out that the bf is equally responsible for the childs existence and should respect her right to choose.Not only that but they advise the LW to consider her bf role in this drama and not take her anger out on the pregnant woman (who owes her nothing), John Rohan I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. A full-on communication stop after a breakup is rare these days. -Got her pregnant female What kind of person he got into a new relationship with. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. We all know that going in. Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. Steve Kellmeyer I think the LW and her ex would do better to break up for good. Im an okder Dude but thats what we used to do. And aborting a pregnancy is also something that is a very difficult thing for many women. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. And not even the most important part. It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. But even though I led you to believe I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to have the baby anyway and thereby obligate you to two decades of support.. She Left Me.PRANK WARS - BF VS GFWatch until. Just once. I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. WTF are you reading? I just feel that they are, at times, the least bad solution. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says Im right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. slept with someone else. If men abandon a child, you have a child with needs that take precedent over fairness to the abandoning parent. Where exactly do you live? If it were me, Id stay FAR away from someone as seemingly immature and callous as your exand Id get myself to therapy to deal with my OWN immaturity and callousness. Hell of course express things in a way that maximizes the chance of him not doing any more to hurt the LW than necessary. He delivered, at her request, one-half of a set of DNA blueprints. Because he had sex? He could have been one of those unforunate souls that DID protect himself, even with the womans added protection, and it still resulted in a child. She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. Taking no personality responsibility whatsoever and then whining about the consequences? He says he cant stand her? )boyfriend who got the woman pregnant. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. Dont choose to roll those dice if you cant cope with all of the possible outcomes. Can you blame me for feeling this way? Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. Has a great job. But, the real reason you can't let go is because you feel bad that you've invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. I dont doubt that Sure Baby, I love you. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? Yes, its shitty. A forty-year-old man knows exactly how women get pregnant and how to avoid that if he absolutely doesnt want a baby. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. No one knows if adoptive parents end up being fabulous parents. But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. I still think the guy is an irresponsible dick, and the LW is acting like a brat, but I dont want to make any assumptions about his activities post the LW when we actually have zero information about it. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. If a guy wants absolutely to avoid becoming a father, he is responsible for using additional BC or not having sex with women if he doesnt know what their stance on unintended pregnancy would be. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. Fair or not, the facts are what they are. Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. Knock it off. iseeshiny What do you think happens to the fetus? Or could CG be right, and this is all a hoax? Even if she was taking it appropriately (same time every day, no antibiotics interfering, etc), it still isnt 100% effective. Its not some big secret that women have that option and that men are legally obligated to provide financially if she exercises that option. Reading your letter, you sound really immature and not ready to be kn a relationship with a man that has a child. Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. You can have a spirited and logical debate, and still keep it interesting and above board. Thats shitty. You know, if he was tricked its not surprising that he would say these things. Thats the way it has to be. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. As of now, all he has done is indicated that he wanted her to have an abortion. But now no one wants to deal with it. Welcome to parenthood. Ever. Unbelievable Because otherwise, society would, if you could never work again and started collecting welfare, etc. I dont think you are right to try to make him stay with her. April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. 3. its up to you wether to stay his friend or not. I dont think hes scum based on this either. If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. If its not easy, opt out of it. I give up. I would love, just ONCE on this site, for one of the male commenters to address shitty man behavior. Let me repeat myself IT IS NOT A LOTTERY WIN. August 24, 2019, 2:54 pm. If he didnt want to make a baby, he should have been wearing condoms or not having sex at all. Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . Reframed to show the immaturity of the argument: And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING CUSTOMERS to order fries with that? However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. Sure. ele4phant The NBA star is reportedly expecting his third child with personal trainer Maralee Nichols, per The Daily Mail. The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. This guy sounds like scum. Seriously? Who actually uses cod wollop, malarky and scroat? She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. Bless your heart. Do you have any other questions? Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. I have never heard anybody going through an unwanted pregnancy say they didnt take care. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. I cant help but think just as she has a choice to abort, keep or put up for adoption, he too has a choice and while not admirable, it may be for the best. Wellyeah. Dude and LW split, Dude meets Lady, Dude and Lady go home together. So, ask yourself why do you allow it? Stop this back and forth with him. Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. It is amazing to me to see the vitriol that men are carrying on with talking about paying money towards the health and well being of a child that they helped create. You have no say whatsoever in this situation. By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. 5) What bothers me more than anything is the LWs attitude. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. So, Chuck, despite the fact that no one is denying the fact that there are some people out there trying to game the system, Chuck, the fact that shes pregnant is equally their responsibility. 2. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. Can I just say that would bother me a lot. Itll take work and patience, but he CAN be a father to the baby, and a partner to you.. Nothing in the story suggests that the guy in question was, as you put it, indiscriminate in partner choice and/or birth control. Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) If there is no child at conception lets_be_honest SweetsAndBeats Start sinking down in the gutter, and no, Im not going to follow you there. Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. As for the STDs nobody is saying that you shouldnt have sex because you could get them, they are saying that if you are going to have unprotected sex, and then sleep with a different person after that, you at the very least owe it to them, to tell them that you did this, and if they ask, you should get tested. I think that is fair. Or is it Dear Wendy gender wars where the men stick together to excuse bad behavior of men while the women cry foul? I wouldnt. April 9, 2012, 10:46 am, Im not even sure how to address this letter, so I guess step by step is a good way to go. Scummy is the wrong word to use. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. All magically on the pill? Once again its the way the LW and the bf (at least the way the LW is presenting his reactions) acted about the potential baby that are rubbing people the wrong way. John Rohan Its a difficult question. We tried to explain to my friend who isnt a fan how giving a blow job can make you feel empowered and sexy at the same time. Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. Hell, as a parent, I probably should never drive to get coffee because Im risking death in an accident for something I dont need, and yes, I do know that people die in car accidents. So, she went out, hooked up with someone she knew briefly (which a lot of people do) and accidently got pregnant. Its not anyones fault, theres no one to blame. Im late to this, but WHAT THE FUCK.