When a girl stares at you, say, Wait! Oh wait, she's back. I think we should split up.". "After all," I said, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." Cool guy. She just laughed and said Thats a whisk Im willing to take! They are called husband and wife. Because he's a keeper. Q: What is loud and obnoxious? A: apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby. But if you are hot, you can call me tonight! What are you doing this evening? (Girl nothing) Lets do nothing together then!, Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?. Marry Her! Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. This article was co-authored by John Keegan and by wikiHow staff writer, Aly Rusciano. Whos there? (function(){window.mc4wp=window.mc4wp||{listeners:[],forms:{on:function(evt,cb){window.mc4wp.listeners.push({event:evt,callback:cb});}}}})(); Drier than a jokes for when words fail you, Got a big head? Is that how many men youve slept with?, I asked. I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my Ill steal your heart and you can steal mine. I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. Boyfriend: BAM! Do you have a date for Valentines Day? Women can fake an orgasm, while men can fake a whole relationship. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. washing machine? After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. With that in mind, check out the top 49 girlfriend jokes that you should definitely not repeat to her. Do you know why boyfriends are like cars? Everyone came, you should have seen her face. April, fools. Harry up and kiss me! Love is like having to pass gas. My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. Whos there? My new girlfriend works at the zoo Halibut, who? I am getting sick and tired of gravity It's always bringing me down! Are you familiar with that tingly feeling that you get in your body when you start to develop feelings for someone? And on the third year of marriage, both the husband and wife speak and the neighbors listen. My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" Yesterday, for Valentines Day, I got my girlfriend some new beads for her abacus. Halloween Kid Jokes - Perfect for lunch boxes, print these for free! My girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didnt stop pointing out random exits and entrances. I am gonna use it to break the ice between us!, If you were Christmas, I would be the Grinch who stole you!, If grapes make skin beautiful, then you must be living in a vineyard!, Im eating yoghurt because you gave me a fucking yeast infection!. Then we'll be new friends. Holiday Jokes. Trending Stories I told her not to get her hopes up. A: Lipstick, 29. I told her, PEDOPHILE? Q: Why is a girlfriend like a laxative? Knock, knock. Bigamy is having one wife too many, but monogamy is the same. There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator . It is much easier to get in it than it is to get out of it. It is not strange to see strangers of the opposite gender strike a deep connection for the first time by discussing sensitive topics. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something. Get well soon! The more you play with me, the harder I get, baby. Later that night, he tried to get intimate with her in bed only for the wife to reply, do you really think that I am going to fire up this grill for just one little weenie?. My name, my address, my phone number, My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time, And for the main course? For example, they might make fun of serious stuff like death, murder, wars, and so on. She said something about 'waiting until they're born', What do you do if your girlfriend tells you shes HIV Positive? I lost Interest in that relationship. To get a filling. You must go and see a doctor lady! 37. Romantic love is a mental illness, but it is a pleasurable one. If I could take your pain away, I would. She just went to the bathroom. She said Im mature, Im moral, Im pure, Im polite and ultimately Im perfect! Sweet Texts You know what they say: A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, and sending your partner a super-sweet text is sure to ease their pain. My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. When I finally stammered out Hhow does the hotel have their own doctor on call?, he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied: Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician.. 23. My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. It is very important to have a woman who can cook, clean, and take care of the kids. That's one way of making sure I'll never forget. My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes. I just need to work out if thats my wife or my girlfriend. Love is getting mad at someone, telling that person to go to hell, and hoping that they get there safely. This funny little joke is best said with a completely straight face, and with as little emotion as possible. In the battle of the virus and you, you cannot let the virus win. What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? One-liners make them easy to remember and seamless to drop in conversations and cards. Whats the difference between unlawful and illegal? 10. existence and only talks to me when she needs something. You are like dandruff because I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try. If not for you, for me. My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. Am I cute enough yet or do you need more of those vodkas?. From classic dad jokes to flirtatious puns and dirty innuendos, theres a joke out there for everyone. Knock, knock. Love is when I walk to the other side of the classroom to sharpen my pen just so I can see her. But I laugh more. My girl isn't that weak. Your entire family is here in this room!, The Dad says, Then why is the hallway light on?. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/13004804-1.jpg\/v4-460px-13004804-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/13004804-1.jpg\/v4-728px-13004804-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"